Back and alone

Yes I have been gone for quite a while. Both Gypsy and Doodles are doing well but have been off and on lame all fall. I think it has to do with the mud but also it may have something to do with me. I haven't been around much and because of that hoof care has been lacking. Things have been difficult for me these past 2 months in particular. As stupid as it sounds, I have been depressed over the break up of me and my boyfriend of five years. It's been hard to adjust to life with out him around all the time and even harder to adjust to the dating world. I realize that I do not like dating. At all. Sure, it's not all bad, but it's not all roses and cookies either. The games that are played mess with me. Why not tell me you like me rather then play a game to see if I really like you back. I don't see the point in it all. People tend to be a lot like horses in a way and, for me at least, it's easy to read between the lines. Body language has a lot to do with it. If you're telling me one thing but doing another, I'm more likely to believe what's in your intentions by your actions. It turns out, not only can I read a horse like a book, I can also read a person like one. It's not too far off really when you think about it. Horses want safety, food, water, love and order within their herd. Humans want the same things. Putting together what I know about horses and what I know about humans, I find the same rules apply. I play games with my horses to get the responses I want from them. People do the same thing with each other. Though I do find it's harder to get the response you want from a human then it is a horse. Humans have the gift of speech, they can tell you how they feel and what they want and need, horses tell you in other ways. The thing is though, humans don't always use that gift to tell you these things and then you are forced to figure it out from other cues. Sometimes this is easy, sometimes not so much. Communication has many forms.

All in all, I don't need a man around the house to do what needs to be done. I've been doing the "man's work" for years now and haven't had much of a problem. I can stack hay, clean paddocks, mow lawns, shovel snow, plow snow, snow blow snow (hey, we are in Maine, there is a lot of snow) all by myself. I don't need a man to do that for me. This year's firewood was all moved and stacked by women mostly. I can call someone to fix something I can't and I can fix a lot of things. Independent tough women is what Maine is made of. I can survive without a man in my life, but I like having someone around to share this all with. For now however, I'm happy to be greedy and keep it all to myself. I have this life and it is mine.

I'm happy to be back to my blog despite the unhappy circumstances that is my life right now. It shows me that if I've climbed out of my funk enough to write again, maybe I can climb all the way out of my funk and do other things too.